Dead at 32,45 and 50.......One by God's Will and Two by Self Choice.
She had breast cancer, the worst most aggressive type. Only 6 months beginning to end. She was never able to chose a journey of her own. Left sooooo much love behind. Died today 15 years ago. I love you Mom, xoxo
Served so we didn't have to. Came home a different man. Proud and no where to turn. The only thing he could control was his death. Died December 31,2005
Physically challenged, with the most sensitive heart. Searching for his place in this world. Only wanted to be loved and accepted as normal. A wonderful young man getting ready to come into his own......but he gave up too soon because the pain was more than he could bare. Died March 2006.
I still miss and love them all...MY MOTHER, MY LOVER AND MY FRIEND.
R.I.P.
Mom, Skip and Patrick
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Her Name Was Billie Jean
Her name was Billie Jean and she was so pretty. Dark hair and blue eyes that made you smile when you looked at her. Full of life and curiosity.
I don't know much about her except she lived in Columbus, Ohio with her parents, Paul and Glenna, an older sister Sharon and younger brother Timmy. They lived on the west side of town in a middle class neighborhood. Her father Paul, was a door to door salesman and the local football coach. He was very good looking with a strong physical presence that people, especially women were drawn to. He was a good father when he was around, and not out chasing women. Billie Jean was his favorite out of his 3 children. It really started to show when Billie Jean was 7 years old. She was hit by a school bus and almost died. It was a long and painful battle to recovery. She had to relearn all her motor skills, talking, walking,feeding herself,dressing herself and then there was the constant pain. Her father loved her through it with care, patients and encouragement. He loved the way his daughter worshiped him. She made him feel like a hero. Other than the occasional seizures and extreme headaches, Billie Jean fully recovered.
Timmy , his youngest, was always on his father's heels. Wanting to be just like him, he tried to mimic all other his fathers traits. He looked just like him and learned how to turn on the charm to get his way. He played sports to get the attention of his father. Was the class clown in school and the dare devil around his peers. He became an expert at getting attention. It was destiny that he was to be a player, like father.
Sharon, the oldest,was a smart girl. Given such responsibility at a young age, she became the caretaker in the family. She helped her mother with everything, including taking care of Billie Jean and Timmy. Sharon longed for the loving attention that her sister got from their father. Her mother demanded so much from her, at home and at school. Sharon did as she was told and secretly hide her pain. Sharon was a good girl and very lonely inside.
Glenna, the mother of these 3 children was as wild as she was pretty. Go-go boots and bikinis and a teasing smile that would not quit. Paul and her were a striking couple with a beautiful family. But so young. They loved to drink and dance, gamble and entertain.....a lot of the time it wasn't things they did together, but separately. Paul would travel for work, or so he said and Glenna would go out. Sharon would take care of her sister and brother.
Football season was family time in this house. Paul coached at high school level, Glenna was team Mom. Sharon and Billie Jean were majorettes and Timmy was a quarterback. From the outside looking in this was a perfect family. But just like most families, circumstances and opportunities changed things over time.
Billie Jean was 13 when she saw him the first time. His younger brother played football with Timmy. Ray was his name and he was 17. Tall with a thin build, blond hair and blue eyes. Basketball was more his style. Ray worked at the local pizza joint to help his single mother take care of his sick older sister(asthma), Shirley and younger brother Roger. His father had moved on long ago to another woman and left his family behind. Kathleen(Kate), Ray's mother raised her children close to her at all times and to resent their father and what he had done to them. Through the years she tried to give her children replacement fathers, but always making the wrong decisions. Ray was the man of the house and smothered with responsibility.
It is not hard to understand how it happened or even why it happened. All he knew was, they were very pretty and persuasive blue eyes and when he looked into them , he felt like a man. All though he anticipate her visits, he also tried to talk himself out of the feelings he had for her.
Billie Jean always got what she wanted and Ray was not going to be the exception. It happened on the first time. At the drive-in movies. In his car. They loved each other. This was my beginning. My name is Christina, the daughter of a 14 year old mother and an 18 year old father.
This is how it began....now for the best part. How they found out.
I don't know much about her except she lived in Columbus, Ohio with her parents, Paul and Glenna, an older sister Sharon and younger brother Timmy. They lived on the west side of town in a middle class neighborhood. Her father Paul, was a door to door salesman and the local football coach. He was very good looking with a strong physical presence that people, especially women were drawn to. He was a good father when he was around, and not out chasing women. Billie Jean was his favorite out of his 3 children. It really started to show when Billie Jean was 7 years old. She was hit by a school bus and almost died. It was a long and painful battle to recovery. She had to relearn all her motor skills, talking, walking,feeding herself,dressing herself and then there was the constant pain. Her father loved her through it with care, patients and encouragement. He loved the way his daughter worshiped him. She made him feel like a hero. Other than the occasional seizures and extreme headaches, Billie Jean fully recovered.
Timmy , his youngest, was always on his father's heels. Wanting to be just like him, he tried to mimic all other his fathers traits. He looked just like him and learned how to turn on the charm to get his way. He played sports to get the attention of his father. Was the class clown in school and the dare devil around his peers. He became an expert at getting attention. It was destiny that he was to be a player, like father.
Sharon, the oldest,was a smart girl. Given such responsibility at a young age, she became the caretaker in the family. She helped her mother with everything, including taking care of Billie Jean and Timmy. Sharon longed for the loving attention that her sister got from their father. Her mother demanded so much from her, at home and at school. Sharon did as she was told and secretly hide her pain. Sharon was a good girl and very lonely inside.
Glenna, the mother of these 3 children was as wild as she was pretty. Go-go boots and bikinis and a teasing smile that would not quit. Paul and her were a striking couple with a beautiful family. But so young. They loved to drink and dance, gamble and entertain.....a lot of the time it wasn't things they did together, but separately. Paul would travel for work, or so he said and Glenna would go out. Sharon would take care of her sister and brother.
Football season was family time in this house. Paul coached at high school level, Glenna was team Mom. Sharon and Billie Jean were majorettes and Timmy was a quarterback. From the outside looking in this was a perfect family. But just like most families, circumstances and opportunities changed things over time.
Billie Jean was 13 when she saw him the first time. His younger brother played football with Timmy. Ray was his name and he was 17. Tall with a thin build, blond hair and blue eyes. Basketball was more his style. Ray worked at the local pizza joint to help his single mother take care of his sick older sister(asthma), Shirley and younger brother Roger. His father had moved on long ago to another woman and left his family behind. Kathleen(Kate), Ray's mother raised her children close to her at all times and to resent their father and what he had done to them. Through the years she tried to give her children replacement fathers, but always making the wrong decisions. Ray was the man of the house and smothered with responsibility.
It is not hard to understand how it happened or even why it happened. All he knew was, they were very pretty and persuasive blue eyes and when he looked into them , he felt like a man. All though he anticipate her visits, he also tried to talk himself out of the feelings he had for her.
Billie Jean always got what she wanted and Ray was not going to be the exception. It happened on the first time. At the drive-in movies. In his car. They loved each other. This was my beginning. My name is Christina, the daughter of a 14 year old mother and an 18 year old father.
This is how it began....now for the best part. How they found out.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Have you every needed an alone place to go to for awhile...to regroup. I think we all have. Some of us get more time to go there than others and some don't get enough, till we lose something...
I seem to carry the pressures of everyone around me, whether I know them or not. I see joy and it lifts me... most of the time....sometimes I feel envy. I see the pain and weariness and my heart becomes heavy. I am not super human, this much I know....so why do I feel as if I should be? Because I am a doer.
We seem to lose sight of taking care of ourselves first, then others. When I feel strong inside and out...I can take on "one.. more.. thing". I can offer a hand to some else. I can see clearly for someone who can't. I can touch the heart of someone in need. Share a simple smile. I can live by example for all those who watch me. I can do my part and a little more to make a difference. When I have neglected my own needs and feelings... I crash....
The hardest part is starting again...not over, but again...
I find myself wondering how I got here...again, but here I am.
I feel blessed to understand that as long as I keep starting again..........I will win....and so will those around me.
I seem to carry the pressures of everyone around me, whether I know them or not. I see joy and it lifts me... most of the time....sometimes I feel envy. I see the pain and weariness and my heart becomes heavy. I am not super human, this much I know....so why do I feel as if I should be? Because I am a doer.
We seem to lose sight of taking care of ourselves first, then others. When I feel strong inside and out...I can take on "one.. more.. thing". I can offer a hand to some else. I can see clearly for someone who can't. I can touch the heart of someone in need. Share a simple smile. I can live by example for all those who watch me. I can do my part and a little more to make a difference. When I have neglected my own needs and feelings... I crash....
The hardest part is starting again...not over, but again...
I find myself wondering how I got here...again, but here I am.
I feel blessed to understand that as long as I keep starting again..........I will win....and so will those around me.
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